(Originally appeared in Mutant Renegade Zine #12, Fall 1999)
I woke up on the floor of my bedroom, my head pounding. Everything as still on from the night before-the Sega, the TV, and my lights. As I stood up, I felt sick to my stomach. On the floor, the cause for my sickness: 3 cans of Budweiser and a shot glass. I sat on my bed, hunched over, wondering why I was being punished like this.
My whole life I swore to myself that I would never drink. I never saw a need for it. Now on the morning of my first hangover, I was once again telling myself it wasn't worth it. To this day, I have told myself that a thousand times, but I never stop drinking. There have been so many "I'm never's" since I started drinking. "I'm never" drinking Bud Ice again. "I'm never" funneling five beers again. "I'm never" doing shots of Aftershock again.
It seems like everything my friends and I do involves drinking, from watching hockey to swimming in someone's pool. Drinking has caused me so many problems over the years. I have gotten in vicious fights with my girlfriends, punched holes in walls, done stupid things like throwing beer bottles off the 30th floor of a hotel in Las Vegas, diving off sheds into pools, stealing things, being rude to people, and so on.
But for every bad experience that I have had from drinking, there are twenty more that were great. About 90% of my best memories are times when I was wasted and hanging out with my friends. Sometimes I even like to just drink by myself, which other people may find pathetic or say I'm an alcoholic, but whatever. I just love the feeling I get after a few beers when my face starts to feel all warm and I feel just the slightest bit dizzy and my smile seems to come a lot easier then usual.
I will never forget that first time though, when my brother had a party and my parents were away and I stole three beers and some Absolut Vodka. I went back to my room by myself and slowly drank the beer and did some shots while I was playing Sega hockey. I remember that I was having trouble playing the game and that I was laughing to myself for no apparent reason.
Now, I finally realized why people drank. This feeling was great. I drank it all, even though it tasted horrible. The next thing I knew, I woke up on my floor, my head pounding. I have been drinking for six years now and I have no intention of stopping. One of my co-workers jokes with me every Saturday and Sunday morning about it. "C'mon Derek, say it" he always says. He is waiting for the reply I have been giving him for years every time that I'm hung over.
"I'm never drinking again", I tell him.