(Originally appeared in Mutant Renegade Zine #12, Fall 1999)
"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an irline - it
helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons,
but at the very least you need a beer."
--Frank Zappa
"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep
your mouth shut."
--Ernest Hemmingway
"Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol Than alcohol has
taken out of me."
--Winston Churchill
"He was a wise man who invented beer."
--Plato
"Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time."
--Catherine Zandonella
"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank
her."
--W.C. Fields
"Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill;
His reply, "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
-- Winston Churchill;
"Sir, you're drunk!" "Yes, Madam, and you're ugly. But in the morning, I will be sober and you will still be ugly."
"I drink to make other people interesting."
--George Jean Nathan
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
--Henny Youngman
"If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes
beer shoot out your nose."
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy
"Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine."
--David Moulton
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
--Dean Martin
"American Beer is like making love in a canoe. Fucking close to water."
--Monty Python
" I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer."
--Homer Simpson
"Work is the curse of the drinking class."
--Oscar Wilde
"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with
fools."
--For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway
"All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's
just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer."
--Homer Simpson